Friday, August 4' 2006 I took my home pregnancy test. It was a nice surprise for Christian, when the result came out positive. He smiled and from that day on we both have been praying for this little one inside my tummy. To be honest, we did not really expect the baby comes so fast, but we did not prevent that to happen either. I did not get my period after getting married, so it was like "bam"...we did it and the baby is on his/her way!!
For several days prior to it, Christian always teased me every time I mentioned that I felt lousy and I said I could be pregnant. He said, “No you're not...", but other times he said," Yes, you are". Even when I decided to buy a home pregnancy test, he acted plain. I remember when we got home Thursday nite, he said, “how if the result came out negative?". This question made me nervous when the next morning I sat in the bathroom holding that stick. As for me at that time, he seemed not supportive at all. Later on I realized that he was nervous too. He does not want me to be disappointed if the result is negative. That Friday was a joyful morning for both of us.
From that day on I have been watching over what I eat and trying to get enough sleep/rest and also taking maternal vitamins. I diligently browse over the internet everything about pregnancy, baby and expecting mother. I get Christian to see and read all the interesting pictures and articles on the internet. He gets so excited about the baby and tells the whole family and friends that he is soon becoming a father! He is also busy choosing name for baby boy and girl. He takes over some of major household jobs, including doing laundry, groceries shopping, cleaning up and sometimes cooking too (especially when I don't feel like cooking).
However, for me, I want to keep this pregnancy for myself, until I am sure that I am pregnant. Well I told this good news only for my sisters and closest friends. I waited until we saw the doctor on Sept 13 '2006. It was the earliest date I got from my appointment with the doctor in a clinic. To my surprise, unlike in Indonesia, in Canada the doctor will wait until you are sure that you are pregnant, or at least your pregnancy is about 8weeks. I remembered, when I called for an appointment the receptionist asked me whether I am really pregnant or not, and she suggested me to go to a pharmacy to get a pregnancy test. She also questioned me when was my last period, and when I answered she said, “Then you are pregnant" and there she set me for the appointment date.
The doctor was so nice, but at that first check up, I did not get any evaluation/test due to lack of facilities. The doctor only checked my blood pressure, my breathing and tried to listen to the baby's heart beat. However, the baby was only 10 weeks old, so we were not able to hear his/her heartbeat. The doctor said that normally she will listen to the heartbeat at 12 weeks, so it was a bit early. She referred me to a doctor in a hospital for next check up, considering there are lots of equipment in the hospital compare to the clinic. She also mentioned that the cost probably is cheaper in hospital. Oh yeah..in Quebec, pregnancy is under government cover, so you need to get a status to be able to be covered. Even though Christian has a family based private insurance from his company, I am not able to use it for visiting doctor because I am still under tourist visa. So as you know, we had to pay 105$/ visit, it is a lot considering I am not working now. Well, but we trust in Him, He gives us this little one, we are blessed, and we believe that we are provided!
As I promised to keep this pregnancy for myself until I got to see the doctor, I should have written something in this blog right after I saw the doctor. However, since I did not get to hear the baby’s heartbeat on that first check up and no ultrasound taken, I was still in doubt. Despite the fact that I do not have my period for these 3months, that my tummy is getting bigger, and that I feel nausea every now and then, deep in my heart I still could not believe that there is a little human being growing inside my tummy. I was worried if it’s not a baby, I was worried would he/she be okay? (Long time ago, I read an article in a magazine, a woman did not get her menstruation and her tummy got bigger and bigger, at first she thought that she was pregnant, but at the end doctor found out it was cancer, a severe one). Oh…I was terrified!!
Then these days came, when I got really really bad nausea. It struck me! We prayed that nite and I told my husband after praying that God wanted to tell me something. I spent my days worrying and with this bad nausea God wants me to see that the baby is really there and that he/she is okay. I rubbed my tummy and whispered, ”It’s okay baby…mama knows that you are there, I am sorry for worrying too much and for being doubtful. Mama should trust God, I am sorry for being hypocrite, while every night and morning mama prays for you, mama still holds on not let God takes good care of you, not believe that God forms you from the very first time. Mama learns that everything from God is beautiful, that including you…”
And I cried to God, please forgive me oh Lord…
Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift!
No comments:
Post a Comment