picture courtesy of: http://www.kersteins.com/blogdepuree/wp-content/uploads/2007/02/bouche_toothbrush_02062006.jpg
Picture courtesy of: http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/e/ex-boyfriends.aspMy husband and I, both of us have our exes. And as normal human being, each of them behave differently. Most of my exes cut off our communication after I got married, and I also do not make a move to contact them or else they still communicate with me as friends, genuine friends-relationships. Some of them got married and we can talk freely about family matters, supporting each other for good.
Some of my husband's exes are still contacting him, mostly through friendster. They are married too, and they live far away from us. Oh well, I just want to mention two of his exes (coz they really make me giggling), two extremes...opposite to each other.
The first one, like I said before she's married, got a kid. She was from his high school time. She sends messages to my husband every now and then (even though my husband does not respond). She acts like I am never exist. She does not really want to know me, who I am, what's my name, etc. It's completely fine with me though. She is still day dreaming about what they did/went through when they were couple. My husband always shows me her message before making any decision about what he's going to do with it. Some of her comments were approved, and some were not because we think that they are inappropriate. I really do not have problem with her comments/messages, but my husband feels uncomfortable every time he received her message. And I know what he feels, I would feel the same way if I were him.
The second one, she's married, has a kid too. I said two extreme before coz the first one does not really want to know me or does not care, but the second one wants to be close friend with me.She knows that I am here with him, she tried to be nice to me from the very first time we knew each other, but she tried too hard and it was sickening sweet. As for me normal-nice would be just enough and if only that were what happened I would have been just fine with us being good friends. But since it was too much, I am not comfortable with it. Unfortunately, she took it hard.
One day my husband (at that time was my fiance) asked me to check his account, and I found her message wishing him a happy birthday. On behalf of him, I sent a reply message saying thank you for her wishes. At that moment I was so genuine, really appreciate what she did (in wishing my husband a happy one), I even did not take it hard of what she said in that message. Too bad, from that day on, she keeps assuming that I am always checking on my husband's account. At first I only smiled when my husband told me that she assumed that I read her message for him (yeah..my husband always tells me when he got a message from her). But after many times, it is quite annoying. Even if I were checking on my husband's account, so what? any problem with it? (Orang Indo bilang: "makan siomay di pesawat, so what gitu loh?" hehehehe..). My husband never complaints if I check his account, there are days that he's too busy and he will ask me to do it for him. And if I check his account, it does not mean that I want to control him and that I do not trust him or that I am curious of what he does behind my back...NO!! I 100% trust him. He is a good husband, he loves me so much, and above all...he is in God, this is the key that he won't betray me.
Once my husband wanted to withdraw his friendster account, because he wants to protect my heart, but I said that it is absolutely okay with me...I do not have a problem with it, and why bother of what his exes did and thus he has to lose contact with other good friends? So I encouraged him to keep his account.
I want to be a very understanding wife. Just think a positive way..they love him so much and it makes them not realizing what they did.
Hm..what else should I say as a closing?
Well, at the end of the day I can tell you folks..it is good to have exes, really makes your day..
Note: for all exes, I never hate you personally..it is not a war that I offer..nor a battle. It's only small-little things we might ponder before going to bed, what would you feel if you were on my position?
Have a good day and God bless you!!
And Christian said,"yes you are there love..papa loves you and loves mama..you both are precious gift from God".
I think this following song will be suitable of what I am feeling about my baby...(I cut it off in the middle for special purpose, and will post the rest of the lyric when the baby grown up)
Before you had a name or opened up your eyes
Or anyone could recognize your face.
You were being formed so delicate in size
Secluded in God's safe and hidden place.
With your little tiny hands and little tiny feet
And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl
He breathed in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world.
You are a masterpiece
A new creation He has formed
And you're as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn.
And I'm so glad that God has given you to me
Little Lamb of God, you are a masterpiece.
(song by: Sandy Patty)
For several days prior to it, Christian always teased me every time I mentioned that I felt lousy and I said I could be pregnant. He said, “No you're not...", but other times he said," Yes, you are". Even when I decided to buy a home pregnancy test, he acted plain. I remember when we got home Thursday nite, he said, “how if the result came out negative?". This question made me nervous when the next morning I sat in the bathroom holding that stick. As for me at that time, he seemed not supportive at all. Later on I realized that he was nervous too. He does not want me to be disappointed if the result is negative. That Friday was a joyful morning for both of us.
From that day on I have been watching over what I eat and trying to get enough sleep/rest and also taking maternal vitamins. I diligently browse over the internet everything about pregnancy, baby and expecting mother. I get Christian to see and read all the interesting pictures and articles on the internet. He gets so excited about the baby and tells the whole family and friends that he is soon becoming a father! He is also busy choosing name for baby boy and girl. He takes over some of major household jobs, including doing laundry, groceries shopping, cleaning up and sometimes cooking too (especially when I don't feel like cooking).
However, for me, I want to keep this pregnancy for myself, until I am sure that I am pregnant. Well I told this good news only for my sisters and closest friends. I waited until we saw the doctor on Sept 13 '2006. It was the earliest date I got from my appointment with the doctor in a clinic. To my surprise, unlike in Indonesia, in Canada the doctor will wait until you are sure that you are pregnant, or at least your pregnancy is about 8weeks. I remembered, when I called for an appointment the receptionist asked me whether I am really pregnant or not, and she suggested me to go to a pharmacy to get a pregnancy test. She also questioned me when was my last period, and when I answered she said, “Then you are pregnant" and there she set me for the appointment date.
The doctor was so nice, but at that first check up, I did not get any evaluation/test due to lack of facilities. The doctor only checked my blood pressure, my breathing and tried to listen to the baby's heart beat. However, the baby was only 10 weeks old, so we were not able to hear his/her heartbeat. The doctor said that normally she will listen to the heartbeat at 12 weeks, so it was a bit early. She referred me to a doctor in a hospital for next check up, considering there are lots of equipment in the hospital compare to the clinic. She also mentioned that the cost probably is cheaper in hospital. Oh yeah..in Quebec, pregnancy is under government cover, so you need to get a status to be able to be covered. Even though Christian has a family based private insurance from his company, I am not able to use it for visiting doctor because I am still under tourist visa. So as you know, we had to pay 105$/ visit, it is a lot considering I am not working now. Well, but we trust in Him, He gives us this little one, we are blessed, and we believe that we are provided!
As I promised to keep this pregnancy for myself until I got to see the doctor, I should have written something in this blog right after I saw the doctor. However, since I did not get to hear the baby’s heartbeat on that first check up and no ultrasound taken, I was still in doubt. Despite the fact that I do not have my period for these 3months, that my tummy is getting bigger, and that I feel nausea every now and then, deep in my heart I still could not believe that there is a little human being growing inside my tummy. I was worried if it’s not a baby, I was worried would he/she be okay? (Long time ago, I read an article in a magazine, a woman did not get her menstruation and her tummy got bigger and bigger, at first she thought that she was pregnant, but at the end doctor found out it was cancer, a severe one). Oh…I was terrified!!
Then these days came, when I got really really bad nausea. It struck me! We prayed that nite and I told my husband after praying that God wanted to tell me something. I spent my days worrying and with this bad nausea God wants me to see that the baby is really there and that he/she is okay. I rubbed my tummy and whispered, ”It’s okay baby…mama knows that you are there, I am sorry for worrying too much and for being doubtful. Mama should trust God, I am sorry for being hypocrite, while every night and morning mama prays for you, mama still holds on not let God takes good care of you, not believe that God forms you from the very first time. Mama learns that everything from God is beautiful, that including you…”
And I cried to God, please forgive me oh Lord…
Thank you Lord for this wonderful gift!
