FOR BECOMING A MOTHER

I hope I am not far from mother's day celebration and even if it is a little too late, I still hope that this writing is worth to read. This year is my 4th year of becoming a mother. It has been a joyful experience and I've never wanted to trade it with anything else.

As some of you may know, prior to becoming a mother I was a student living my PhD dream. Student and mother are two totally different roles. Studying was depressing when I did not know the peak of its demand and I was not able to see clearly how my project would go and how my supervisor would judge my work. I had to spent my time mostly in laboratory doing my experiments and it was depressing when I was not able to control the outcomes. Sometimes I had to stay until 2am in the morning just to find the bacteria's DNA profile was unidentified or did not match to any markers. Even more stressful when my love one was living far away from me. However, I can not deny the joy I had of becoming a student. It was my dream to finish my study and get the degree, and I had passion on what I was doing for my project.

Photo courtesy of Peter Ng

April 5, 2007 I became a mother of a very beautiful baby, we named her Bianca. I was still in my one year study leave at that moment. From the time I laid my eyes on her, I could not bear the feeling of leaving her to any baby sitter. I promised to myself I will take a good care of her and will do anything to make her happy and to nurture her in God's grace. She is an expensive baby, btw. Yes, I had to pay all single pennies for health care out of my pocket when she was still in my womb due to my immigration status (I was still under visitor visa in Canada at that moment). But nothing compare to the happiness we had the moment she arrived.

June 2007, my study leave ended. I had to go back to Australia to continue my study. Bianca was too small to fly for 24h. Thus I asked if I might have another year to be away from school. The university approved, unfortunately my scholarship did not allow me to have 2 consecutive years of leaving. Meaning if I take another year of leaving, I have to pay on my own all the remaining time I spend to finish my study. It was hard. Moreover, I had to think about asking someone else to take care of my baby, while I am studying. Even harder..
After thinking and pondering and another thinking...and another, I made a decision, the hardest decision ever.... July 2007, I sent out my termination letter to the University and scholarship liaison officer. I am leaving my PhD dream for becoming a mother..not that I am comparing the two roles, no..but that was the best I can do for my family.

Now, after almost 3 years I made that decision, sometimes I miss my school times..I miss the time I spent in library reading journal articles, I miss my friends at school, I miss working on my microbiology lab...(even though it sucks sometimes)..I miss thinking hardly and trying to connect the two facts I found on my bacteria...I miss my student life. I envy people who got their PhD degree and work on their fields.
Having said that, I never regret to be a mother. I never regret the decision I made. I am a happy mother of two lil toddlers.


I know by terminating my study I have disappointed some of my close friends and relatives. Therefore, with this I would like to extend my apology to those whom had been disappointed, I am sorry I may hurt your feeling and was not able to fulfill your expectation. But this is what I love to do..becoming a mother.